big of me

small as I yam, it is hard for my eyes to linger on any sentence for too long
therefore it is hard to study the TSS packet that was mailed to me
therefore it is hard to embrace fully my pal, who is best
therefore hard, initially, to gain your trust
hard initially, to gain your love
hard initially, to slink my way

simple though, to stay hard
simple though, to keep your love
simple though, to keep your trust
simple though, to keep my way,
keep the lowest as the Chinese say,
and all others who have lived on this very earth
simple though to invite your embrace and to hold it, singularly, as in each night,
that is best, not to wear one out, for someone such as small

as in what is taking for the big is what I might call gaining for the small
all in all not the same things, I do not take!
(once this girl who was smaller than me
put her two fingers together as a measurement
the nerve of her, later, I realized, as she was off in the large world
although smaller continents, to feel big
that she wasn't,
that she was minute,
and hardly significant

as I remember I was on a train to Manhattan (right, of all places, Manhattan
w/ a friend of a friend, she had bigger expectations of me
and what am I to do now, you, take the next stop and go back,
back to my small city

as I walked one laggy pace
I opened up my book in this coffee space
and read to myself and wrote letters, not poems, that I did once w/ my small friend
who drove a large car and I kept it folded in my breast pocket
it was, at the time, for me,

        a big poem
        about a small girl
        and our big love

        on a long road
        under a big moon
        over a long time

        as I read, it seemed
        so big of me then